BY JOHN ROSEMOND, www.rosemond.com
Published on Sunday, June 13, 2010

A concerned mother told me her 6-year-old daughter still threw tantrums nearly every day, during which she screamed as if she was being tortured, produced copious tears, and performed various contortions, often losing her balance and falling to the ground where she would writhe as if possessed by demons. In fact, the parents sometimes wondered if an exorcism might be appropriate.

“Why does she throw these tantrums?” the mother asked.

“Because she doesn’t get her way,” I said.

“I know, but why?”

“Because she believes she is entitled to what she wants, when she wants it.”

She stared at me for several seconds, then said, “Someone told me she might be bipolar.”

“All toddlers are bipolar.”

“But she’s not a toddler.”

“Yes she is,” I said.

Tantrums are typical of toddlers. Before the Big Wet Blanket of Psychobabble was thrown over parents’ common sense, tantrums were rare after the third birthday. A child who throws tantrums after the third birthday still believes what toddlers believe: she is the “Almighty I Am.” Like the Red Queen in “Alice in Wonderland,” it’s all about her.

Giving up that fantasy is what growing up is all about.

At my recommendation, the parents told their daughter that they’d seen a television show in which a famous doctor had talked about children who still throw tantrums at age 7. He had said that such children aren’t getting enough sleep; that they should be put to bed right after supper, but no later than 6:30 p.m., until the tantrums stopped completely for three weeks. If the child threw a tantrum, the three weeks had to start over.

The exorcism took six weeks. Finally, the little girl expelled her demons. And she is much happier today than she ever was when her parents were trying their best to make her happy.

John Rosemond is a family psychologist. Visit his Web site: www.rosemond.com.